I don't even know where the fuck to start or what the fuck to say. But this shit is pissing me the fuck off! Xanga has become filled with nothing but bullshit and i'm sick of everyone playing these immature fucking games. Stop with all the bullshit, and guilt trips. It is what it is and making something of it due to what you put in someone's head is nonsense. When it comes down to it all the fucking drama is for absolutely nothing! People realize what's real and what was never even close to it. Just remember that.

As for me i'm sick of the shit, and this is damn near my last post. I can't and won't deal with all this fucking drama anymore. I might keep the site running but only to have a way for people who need to get something to me or to stay in touch with me can do so. I love all you who i'm cool with on here, thanx for not adding anymore bullshit. You guys still know how to get ahold of me, stay in touch. If i shut this down it will be the next time i get on here, but that probably won't be for awhile. So whatever what happens, happens, deal with it or leave it behind.

On a more personal level let's try to clear some shit up. Britney, we need to talk! For one do you have names confused or something because i don't even know who the fuck kimberly is, and if somehow i do and she's starting shit with you then that has nothing to do with me. I know nothing of people wanting to jump you, and if i did that's real fucked up if you think i'm gonna condone it. We might not be talking, or on good terms right now but i still love you and i alwayz will, and i sure as hell am not just gonna let some bullshit happen to you. But like i said i don't even know a kimberly, and if that's the right name and she's putting my name in shit then you need to have her bring that up with me cause i don't know who the fuck that is and i don't appreciate her pulling me into all the bullshit between the two of you. And tiffany is the one who came to me saying we need to get shit strait because she can't handle it. I simply told her what was going on, how i felt about it and asked to have u call me so we can figure shit out. I'm not gonna go to your site and even attempt to do so because i'm not taking the chance of writing something that you take in the wrong way and make all this shit worse. You and me both know that it's easy as fuck for that to happen, it has before. so whatever this is all in your hands now. I tried to call you like 3 times and i'm explaining the shit here. this is it if you wanna get this shit solved do it now, if not then like i've said before have a nice life, be careful, and i love you, cause nothing can make me sink low enough to carry all this on and keep fighting with you. I won't do it. The only thing left or me to say is you know where i stand in this, and you need to let me know where u do as well.

Anywayz ~ So that's it. Whatever happens will happen. I give up though. So thanx for the experiance on here but my time with you is running low. When it's out, you will have nothing left to worry of me. Later.

FOR EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME PERSONALLY AND HAVE OR HAD AT ONE TIME A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP WITH ME I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

If i have ever hurt you, dissapointed you, angered you, stressed you, or done anything except bring you a nice friendship then i really truly am sorry. I love you all so much and i know i couldn't make it with out you guys. And i'm really, really sorry. I've realized that all this time i thought other people was letting me down, and turning their back on me it was the other way around. I've realized that i'm the one who is so fucked up, and i'm the one that in the end hurts everyone. I've been thinking about all the shit that's going on with me, and then i hear all the shit that's going on with my friends, and i just see myself as one of those fucked up girls you would see in a movie who does some fucked up shit and doesn't even realize that they are. I realize that everything i am and everything i say is just concrete. There is no consionce, or understanding behind what i do, or what i say. It just happens. And i didn't even realize that this whole time i was pissed off at everyone, and upset because i felt so alone, that all of you are the ones that i make feel that way. And i'm sorry. There are reasons i could believe as to why i'm like this, but it's seems so pathetic to blame my actions on something else. I don't expect you guys to understand this, or to accept this, becasue i myself don't even really understand it, or me. And i hate this aspect of yself, but now that i have realized it, i have to deal with it, and ihave to try to not do the same things. But i'm not sure it's possible, i'm afraid this is who i am, and it can't be changed, i mean i didn't even know that i was hurting so many people. All this time i thought i was this great friend who was alwayz there for you, and would never dissapoint you, but i guess that's hit me in the ass. I don't know how to even try to explain these things, or fix these things, but please just do me a favor, and if there's anytime that i cause you any distress or anything umpleasant, please just tell me.  I need to know these things, i need to try to help myself, but like i said i don't know if it's of any use. And once again i'm sorry, and i love all you so much. thanx for dealing with me and my shit, and please forgive me. But i have to go now, i'll post soon. Later.

So let's just sum up my life according to the people that i've supposedly "blown off" . . .

I am a big fucking stoner who thinks that all there is to life is getting high, and i have something shoved so far up my ass that i blow off the people who try to get ahold of me. Yep that's it, that's exactly who i am. Oh wait you might as well thrown that i'm a fucking bi slut who doesn't give a fuck about people's true feelings, and i'm so fucked up that i can't identify my emotional pain so i just blair it out by what? - TRYING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF?!?! Yeah that sums it up, a perfect fucking description!

All of you who think shit like that or wanna fucking ridicule the decisions i make and the way i live my life then fucking save it!!! O.k. I'm sick of this shit - it's all a big fucking pile of  BULLSHIT!!! I can't fucking take it! I'm sick of trying to have a life and live just a little happy, then everyone else wants to make me out like some fucking villian! FUCK MAN! Maybe that's it. I'm just fucking going downhill and ruining my life while hurting everyone i fucking know in the process! Yeah that's it, so why don't i just make it easier for you guys and let you know that i just don't give a fuck! You can run your gaddamn mouths and say whatever the fuck you want, you can try to change me, you can try to hurt me, you can leave me, you can hate me, do whatever the fuck you want, whatever the fuck you need to get some fucking closure as to why i'm being so FUCKED UP!!! Fuck it man, like i said  i don't need this shit, and i can't handle all this shit. So do whatever the fuck you guys want, but if you wanna talk shit, KEEP IT TO YOUR GODDAMN SELF!!! Because one thing you shouls all know is that i don't give a flying fuck as to what anyone thinks of me! What the fuck ever - it's not the end of the fucking world to know that i'm not everyone favorite person! FUCKING GROW UP PEOPLE! GET THE FUCK OVER IT!

Hey. Everything's the same. I just wanted to post. Dude, i wanna get high. Well fuck ~ so what's been new with all you fucking people? Hope shits been alright. Well whatever man i don't got shit to say, not anything worth hearing. Later.

~ KaTrInA ~

. Everyday all i can say . . . Is here i am in tears again .

I am weak. I can't handle all this pain. All the flashbacks. I'm gonna lose it. If i see him just one more time, i don't know what i'll do. twice now. The flashbacks hasn't stoppe dsince the first. The first time i was able to overcome the tears . . . with anger. The second i couldn't hold it in. But luckily no one saw. It hurts more to keep it inside, but i won't them see me cry. And i'm sorry, i'm so sorry . . .

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Thanks for all the comments, and sorry i haven't writen back to most of you. But i'm about to be done with xanga. I'll probably keep my site running os you guys can comment, but don't be suprised if i don't write back. I'm sorry. I love you all, but i'm losing it and i haven't even cared to fuck with this. There's been too many other thing on my mind. Things i can't ultimatley tell anyone. They may know most of it, or think they know it all. But they don't know. A secret that's far too painful too share. I love you all and i'm sorry. But for now My updates may Rest.In.Peace. Good-bye.

~ Katrina ~